


Hope to those who have not

by m_a_archive_owner



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 00:03:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1407568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_a_archive_owner/pseuds/m_a_archive_owner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amidala's reflections about the consequences Naboo's</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope to those who have not

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##  Hope to those who have not 

###  by Adalisa (marioz@spin.com.mx) 

Archive: My site and the m_a archive. Anyone else, just ask. I  
won't say no.

Category: I'm not at all sure, but it's an AU, h/c, angst, and  
POV. Yeah, I think that's all.

Rating: G, I guess. Nothing happens here.

Warning: I'm sure I'm not following Canon somewhere. After all,  
I'm not all that familiar with anything in this universe  
besides the movies, the comic adaptation and what I have been  
reading here.

Spoilers: A lot for TPM. In fact, it happens right after the  
ending

Summary: Amidala's reflections about the consequences Naboo's  
freedmon had in Qui Gon and Obi Wan.

Disclaimer: Everything here belongs to George Lucas, who is  
god. And I'm not making any money out of this... so it would  
really be pointless to sue me for it.

Content: Q/O.

Feedback: I love it. It's inspiring... and if anyone would have  
time to detailed feedback, I would really appreciate it. This  
is my first attempt at SW slash

  


My People is free, and my planet has finally achieved peace.

But I cannot be happy. Not when I know the price that very few  
paid for our freedom.

I stand in the Palace' gates, waiting for Boss Nass, leader of  
the Gungan, as they make a glorious entrance to the city that  
they helped to free, and I cannot smile. Not when I know that  
one of my dearest new friends is suffering.

That, I cannot do.

I force myself not to turn, not to see his grave face as he  
sees the result of his loss, the result of his well guarded  
pain. I know that most of the present do not understand it,  
most do not know what he is going trough.

But they did not meet him as I did.

They did not saw how two Jedi Knights jumped from a balcony to  
free me, Captain Panaka and my maidens to help us to reach  
Coruscant. They did not saw the light in his eyes as he talked  
to his companion, the half smile that formed in his face when  
they fought together.

A smile that will probably not return to his face ever again.  
It was the price we paid for the freedom of Naboo.

But I cannot stay silent for long, I cannot let him grieve  
endlessly.

I will find a way to stop his silent pain.

That, I will do.

* * *

"Young Anakin will not be trained." Master Windu told me, and I  
could only nod, as I heard Ani's sad gasp behind me. "That is  
the final decision of the council."

"We understand, Master Windu. We wish you and the council a  
safe trip to Coruscant." I try to sound as calm as I have  
always sounded, but I know that my coldness cannot fool a  
Master Jedi. He looks at me with his sad eyes, and I know that  
he won't insult me by asking... but I cannot ignore his silent  
question. "What will be of Master Jinn?"

"He has asked permission to remain a few more days in Naboo, if  
your Highness approve. After that, he will return to Coruscant  
to continue his duties as a Jedi." He gives me more explanation  
that the one an outsider would receive. But he is very clear in  
his words. They will not do anything to help him. As far as the  
Jedi Council knows or cares, Obi Wan Kenobi is dead... and they  
will not stop Qui Gon Jinn from following him in that final  
path.

I bow as the Jedi Master bids his farewell and leaves the room.  
It is only then when I turn to see Ani, who is trying mightily  
not to cry, as his mother hugs him.

"You can stay in the palace." Shmi looks at me, as if I were a  
ghost or an angel... I understand her reaction... Only seven  
days ago she was a slave in Tatooine, with no hopes of ever be  
free. Now, she and her son are in my Palace, under my  
protection, and her son is a hero for my people. Her life has  
been changed for the best.

If only I could say the same of the life of the Jedi who made  
all this possible.

The doors in the chamber open before I can say something to  
ease Ani's evident disappointment and I turn to see Master Jinn  
kneeling before me, asking permission to stay on the planet for  
some time, to heal from his battle. I open my mouth, willing to  
give him the reassurance that somehow everything will find a  
solution, but instead of my voice, I hear a very angered 9-year  
old's.

"You promised me that I was going to be a Jedi! And that you  
were going to be my master!" Ani is looking at him with his  
blue, hurt eyes, and suddenly, I feel angry at the boy that  
enthralled me so much that I never noticed what was happening  
around me until it was too late. How can he not realize how  
hard this is for Qui Gon?

"The Code forbids for a master to have two padawans. I was left  
without a choice." Qui Gon's voice sounds deeply hurt. I should  
have known, I should have told him to return to Tatooine... But  
instead I let myself be blind. I believed in the legends that  
said that Jedi were emotionless, that they only let themselves  
guide by the Force. That is true to a certain extent. Qui Gon  
was unchanged until Panaka found him, kneeling in the melting  
pit security zone. When the mission was over, he let himself  
recognize what he had lost. For two days, he didn't eat, he  
didn't talk. He was simply meditating in his quarters, ignoring  
Ani, ignoring everything. And the day of the celebration, when  
I went as Padme to inform him that his presence was required by  
the protocol and the Jedi Council... I could swear that I saw  
him cry.

Before that, I was sure that he would fight the Jedi Council  
for the chance to train Anakin, it was so important to him. But  
when I saw the ghost of a tear in his eyes, I knew that he had  
lost much more than what anyone would believe.

He had lost his fire.

"You do not have a Padawan." I was so lost in my thoughts that  
I could not stop Ani's innocent comment. Of course, he did not  
know, he did not mean to hurt Qui Gon. But he had. He had  
poured salt in an open wound. "Ani..." I begin, at the same  
time as his mother. She knows too, that's why she has been  
silent all this time. "...you saw him in Tatooine."

Young Ani's eyes open with recognition, then confusion. "But...  
he was a Jedi Knight. Watto said so... And he stayed in  
Tatooine to free the slaves... You told me that Mom!" Shmi lets  
out a strangled cry, as the boy confronts all of us. And I  
realize that she had not fully understood. She had made the  
same mistake that I did. She had recognized Obi Wan's  
sacrifice, but not the consequences in Qui Gon.

"I cannot have another Padawan again, Anakin." Qui Gon says, as  
he rises to his feet. "I have failed too many times."

With that, he leaves the room, and I had to control myself not  
to run after him, make him come to his senses. But I am not  
Padme, the maid. Now I am the Queen. And as a Queen, I have to  
stay.

"Master Qui Gon won your freedom, when he bet against Watto."  
Shmi is explaining, through tears. "But Watto wouldn't wager  
me... Obi Wan knew that... and... while you were racing, and  
his Master was focused on you... He offered himself in exchange  
for me."

I hold my breath, remembering how surprised Qui Gon had been of  
seeing his apprentice with us the day of the race, as Obi Wan  
had told him that he wanted to see the boy with his own eyes,  
and that he had grow weary of the ship. Qui Gon had teasingly  
tugged his padawan's braid, admonishing him for being  
impatient.

And he had not suspected a thing.

Not until the ship took off, as he fought the Sith Lord and he  
barely escaped with his life. When he fell to the floor of the  
ship, expecting to see Obi Wan welcoming him, only to find Shmi  
and Anakin. Not until it was too late.

* * *

It is night as I walk to my rooms, when Captain Panaka stops  
me. I am dressed in my maid's clothes, so there is no need for  
protocol.

"I'm afraid that I do not bring good news." He tells me and I  
shake my head.

"At this point, I had few hopes." That is painfully truth.  
After Anakin found out the full story of his and his mother's  
freedom, he broke out crying. He say that he did not want to be  
a Jedi knight anymore, that he did not want to be a pilot.

Not if that caused so much grief to anyone. My anger at him  
disappeared immediately. Even him, so young, had understood  
what Obi Wan meant to Qui Gon.

Even if no one had told us so.

"The man we sent to Tatooine contacted us. Watto was murdered,  
and all his slaves where sold. Kenobi is no longer on the  
planet, and there's no way of knowing where he can be."

I nod, knowing that even with Watto dead, Obi Wan will not  
escape. The Jedi have honor.

But to stop looking for him?

To let the Jedi Council's cold manners become my own?

Fail the man who gave up his freedom so my people could live?

That, I cannot do.

  



End file.
